my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
