We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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