I wish I could punch you in the face.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
