Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
