Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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