If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
