I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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