You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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