I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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