How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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