I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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