i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize