id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
