went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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