i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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