Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
