well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
