I faked an abortion last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
