this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and she was petting her beer can
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
