I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
