I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
