She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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