So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
