So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
