Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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