Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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