did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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