Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
