it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
