Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
