somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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