if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
