if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My penis needs a shock collar
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
