the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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