If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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