so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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