I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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