In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize