You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
