fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
