walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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