Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
