just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
