Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Having a random hookup so left but love u
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize