Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
