Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
