The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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