jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
