all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
