my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
