90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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