i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize