you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
