man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize