I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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