i barfeds in our rink
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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