i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
