Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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