Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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