this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize