I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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