i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
