none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
