so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
