this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize