not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize