i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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