the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
