I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
