I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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