Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
