Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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