Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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